I met her shortly after my freshman year began at UCLA. She worked at the student store and i was browsing around. This is going to sound cliched, but i saw her and swore i knew her from somewhere. So i mustered what little courage i had and went up to talk to her. Surprisingly, she said the same thing about me, that she thought she had met me from somewhere. Later that evening, i found myself at her door wondering if she'd think i was stalking her for coming over unannounced. But she let me in anyway and we talked. That would be the beginning of many more visits and talks about anything and everything. Later the next year, i asked her to accompany me to my fraternity installs. After a brief wait, and to my relief, she agreed. I must say, after attending my fraternity installs for a number of years later, with two of those being accompanied by my girlfriend at the time, the time i went with her, was one of the most memorable and very special nights of my life. It all just felt right. Everything just fell into place, and for the first time in a very long time, i felt happy.

That happiness would be short-lived however. The summer following that year we lost touch. This would be the first of many periods where we would drift and lose touch with one another. When school resumed i found out she had started going out with someone. That's usually when we would drift, when one of us was with another person. I guess it was out of respect to stay out of the way, and i understood that.

But it would all change. After a few years of drifting then talking then drifting once again, there was a time i felt closer to her than i had ever felt. We talked constantly and were in each other's company all the time. I could feel something was different this time. I could see it in her eyes, in the way she looked at me. It was just different. But of course, to complicate things, i was currently dating someone. Not dating exclusively, just dating. I can still remember a night it seemed i had each one on either side of me, tugging me and pulling me their separate ways. In my mind, i reasoned out my predicament. And the choice i would make would not be with her, i would choose the other person. That choice would haunt me for the rest of my life. Although, i found two happy years with the other person, there isn't a day that goes by where i can't help but wonder what would've happened, what could've happened, if i had chosen her. But i guess these are the choices we make. Regrets are part of life, and i must live with them.

After she graduated and began working, i could feel her drifting even more, more than she ever had. She's changed now, but then again so have i. As our paths diverge, i see her sometimes still, an occasional phone call, a lunch date. But in my heart i know, things will never be the same between us, and i will never know...

a.a.